As Christians most of us have mixed feelings about the Christmas holidays. On the one hand, we love our scented holiday trees, twinkling lights, TV specials, yule logs, candles, carols, cookies, and Christmas dinner roasting in the oven. Obviously, we love to see our kids’ eyes pop when they open their gifts.
Where is Jesus in all this?
On the other hand we may strongly suspect that Christmas has become materialistic to a degree that it cannot be pleasing to God. We hear of parents buying gifts on credit cards with little hope of paying them off quickly, and we may have engaged in similar behavior ourselves. Gifts bought with borrowed funds, or funds that were supposed to pay the electric bill, are a two-edged sword: They are practices in less-than-stellar stewardship and are actually distracting our kids from the real reason for the season.
Little boys used to be okay with a new truck and the contents of a stocking. Today, kids request entire entertainment systems and create lengthy wish lists on Amazon. We’re afraid to discuss Jesus and Santa in the same conversation with our kids. We don’t want our worst suspicions confirmed: An ancient story about a babe in a manger will not hold a candle to the world’s most appealing science fiction character, who has all the toys in creation at the tip of his fingers.
What can we do?
As one Christian mom states, “I thought it would help to make my kids say “˜Thank you, Jesus,’ after opening every gift. They did, but it wasn’t sincere. I’d say they were downright annoyed, always more interested in opening that next gift.” Another mother attested to making kids sing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus on Christmas. But she made sure all toys were opened first and kids needed a break in playing with them before starting any talk about God. There just didn’t seem to be a way to make a babe in a manger primary, not with all the glitz and goings-on.
What can we do to make Christmas more about Jesus and less about endless requests for toys? Are there realistic ways to tone down our spending that won’t give our kids seizures? Can we make Jesus most important again while not removing the fun and celebration?
Christmas Mom Challenge: 3 Pre-Challenges, 7 Mini-Challenges
These are difficult questions – and yet the most dedicated Christian parents want answers. There are a variety of suggestions available, depending on the type of family and the traditions that are in place already in the household.
Thus we’re focusing on the most common difficulties that Christian parents face at Christmas, and we’re presenting 3 important pre-challenges to help position them to work with their kids. As one builder said, “Until you fix the roof, it’s not worth your time fixing the floor.” Adjusting our own behavior as parents will optimize chances our kids will adjust to better Christian thinking at the holidays.
Following these, we’re providing 7 mini-challenges for you and your kids to attempt that will shift the focus to Jesus. They will deepen children’s love for the real reason for the season and will help create extra-fond memories that can last for years!
Some parents are practicing the good behaviors presented in the first 3 pre-challenges already and can vouch for their effectiveness:
Pre-Challenge #1: Don’t buy any Christmas presents that you can’t pay off by New Years Day.
Some credit cards are meant for payee convenience, such as American Express, and they don’t allow going into debt. Your debit card is for your good; your credit card is for the credit company’s good, or it credit wouldn’t be a business. Go by the rule, “If we can’t afford it, we shouldn’t have it.”
Some parents may break into a sweat over their kids’ responses to what’s under the tree and what’s not. If you’ve been in the habit of over-indulging kids at Christmas, there’s no better time to address the elephant in the living room: If Jesus didn’t provide the money for a Play Station, then Santa Claus shouldn’t be able to step in and make it happen.
It’s a tough lesson, but maybe not as tough as you think. For one, kids do not understand the value of a dollar. One mom warned her kids after her husband’s business had suffered that Christmas would not be as good. She said it over and over so her kids wouldn’t be disappointed. That was many years ago. Her grown kids still remember the holiday and joke about having no idea why mom went on and on. It seemed as good a Christmas as any.
Pre-Challenge #2: Go green on Christmas.
Many people don’t believe in spreading their carbon footprint, and yet they insist on buying everything from the Christmas displays at mall stores as if December is not a month in the year for going green. Certain gifts are presented unwrapped on Christmas morning, either because parents had to put things together or such made a nicer display. If the wrapping is to be discarded anyway, there’s no reason not to seek out toys that are used, so long as they’re clean and in good condition. Before going to malls, which are designed to create “want” and encourage impulse buying, check out Craig’s List and read newspaper classifieds. Resolve to visit two thrift stores on your way to the mall, and you may be amazed at finding gifts for which you would have paid triple if they were new.
Pre-Challenge #3: Talk to the Lord”¦Just Spill It.
The great thing about Jesus is that he understands. Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses…” Jesus understands that you personally are not responsible for the creation of a holiday that has gone over our heads. He loves beauty himself as attested to in mountains, fishies, zebras, sunlight dancing on water”¦ He understands the pull and pizazz of store displays. Whatever is a problem with making him real at Christmas, he wants to hear it. He wants to help you solve it. He won’t just respond with “thou shalt not, not, not.” He can fill your eyes with beautiful visions and your heart with fantastic new ideas. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
7 Mini-Challenges
You can work on these things without your children. Then, you can begin to involve them. And here are 7 small challenges you can do with your kids to restore the reason for the season:
Mini-challenge #1: Even if it’s handmade, set up a manger scene as your first Christmas decoration. Do it together.
Santa Claus may dominate Christmas morning, but he does not have time on his side. The Christmas season is around 30 days long, beginning for many the weekend after Thanksgiving. One Christian mom remembers about her childhood: “Mom and I set out the manger, which we called a “˜creche,’ the Sunday after each Thanksgiving. For me, it was always the start of festivities, so it was exciting. I can remember handling each of those little pieces, and while the presents and the tree seemed far off, that babe in the manger was huge to me”¦because he was first.“ Having Jesus start off the holidays will set the tone for the rest of the holidays. Create your manger scene one day at a time by following our Advent Activity Schedule.
Mini-Challenge #2: Have your kids take part in the church Christmas Pageant.
Most churches understand busy schedules and now hold Christmas pageants that require only one or two rehearsals – that often take place during Sunday school. The tone-deaf are always welcome! Pageants have one perk that has to do with why kids adore dress-ups: What kids can dress up as, they can become for a short while. Whether a child is a shepherd or a wise man or an angel or a lowing cattle, he will usually remember being close to the manger and being part of the birth of Christ. He may have precious memories into adulthood, and he won’t recall whether the production was semi-professional or foghorn central. If you’re in charge of the church pageant this year, be sure to check out our 7 Christmas Pageant Tips (if you can believe it, we produce a great show with only *1 rehearsal*).
Mini-Challenge #3: Help your kids participate in some sort of charity during the holidays.
Charity is the only way a child develops a heart for giving; it doesn’t come naturally to them. Most churches send kids to carol at nursing homes, or they visit hospitals or shut-ins, or serve food at a shelter. What’s more: Kids need charities that aren’t all about baking and collecting money. Their giving will do much more to their hearts if it involves face-to-face contact with someone they can cause to feel better. That way kids can see actual smiles of gratitude. Resolve to check at church and even friends’ churches so your kids can look a needy person in the face, help him or her feel joy, then see that radiant smile. If you need more inspiration, be sure to check out our 100 simple service projects.
Mini-Challenge #4: Don’t give in to your kids’ desires to go to the mall while you Christmas shop.
The appetites for want and covetousness are hard for us adults to handle; how much more our kids? Malls serve only to intensify the want they experience from television. This might mean that your kids don’t get to sit on Santa’s knee this year (it also means you don’t get a migraine while waiting in line). Minimize Santa in pre-Christmas discussions. As Christians, we probably feel that it’s an exercise in futility to talk down Santa. That’s fine; but we don’t have to talk him up.
Drop your kids at a neighbor’s house or at a church charity function or pageant rehearsal to do your shopping. Or tag team it with another mom, offering to watch her kids during her mall trip if she reciprocates.
Challenge #5: Establish the notion early on that “asking” is not “getting.”
For many grandparents today, the gift giving expectations of young parents and their younger children have grown appalling. “My daughter sends me links and makes me tell her exactly what I’ve chosen. If I get something she didn’t request, she fumes! There’s no surprises allowed, no choices; the gifts have nothing to do with me picking something and thereby giving a part of myself in my gift. I feel a battered wallet.”
Somewhere along the line, it has become acceptable to think that a parent having to return a duplicate or unwanted gift is more offensive than telling others what to buy for us and pouting if it’s something else. We teach our kids not to slurp soup, burp at the table, leave a toilet unflushed, or use offensive language. And yet somehow the faux pas of dictating what others will buy us or our kids has gotten as big as the Reptile that Ate New York. There was a time when, if you weren’t grateful for a gift you opened, you were sent to your room, or worse, your mother made you walk it next door and give it to your best friend.
The real downside is that if you have a demanding Christmas list, your children will have demanding Christmas lists. When funds are too tight, it’s all too tempting to consider rude and/or irresponsible ways to pay for the contents. Teach kids early that it’s fine to ask for something, but go out of your way not to set any expectations. If your kids are offended by what they didn’t get on Christmas morning, become extremely offended at their offended-ness. Threaten to take things back to the store. The sooner kids learn that not all demands are met, the sooner they will quit thinking of the holiday as a self-aggrandizing, wish-list-fulfilment fest.
Mini-Challenge #6: Play Christian carols in your house and in the car.
We’ve been lured into a spider web with the thought that songs like “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” are adorable, and therefore it’s fine to yield to them. They make Jesus yield on his own birthday. So much beautiful music that has stood the test of time and was created long before Christmas music production became such a huge money maker. The real Christmas songs–Silent Night, Joy to the World, and O Come, All Ye Faithful–are so powerful, they can bring tears to the eyes of believers when sung. The Holy Spirit was present in their creation, and he’ll be present when they are sung, explained, or enjoyed by a family trimming a tree. They will tell your kids the story of Christmas over and over if your own words aren’t sufficing.
If you’ve committed yourself to the 3 pre-challenges for parents and 6 mini-challenges involving your kids, this 7th is one you deserve and can appreciate:
Mini-Challenge #7: Don’t feel any guilt about enjoying Christmas morning.
Some Christians report feeling enough guilt on Christmas morning that they’re tempted to look away when kids tear at wrapping paper. They want to feel Jesus beside them, but fat ole Santa seems to be swallowing the whole room.
What Jesus objects to is families going into debt for what distracts from him in the first place. He objects to so much focus on gifts that there’s no focus on grace. If you’ve heeded the challenges so far, you’ve made the entire month about him. You have practiced ways to keep your gift giving economical, environmentally friendly, and as free from covetousness and greed as possible.
It is for you to appreciate, then, that our Heavenly Father is not at all adverse to a party. Jesus’ first miracle was at a party (John 2:1-11). Revelation 19 promises that believers will become the bride of Christ and they’re invited to the bangin’-est party in the history of mankind. Psalms encourage us to dance and sing and play instruments to worship. Nobody can put on a better party than God, and he gave man a love of celebration as part of his primary essence.
Our job is to make the Father, Son and Holy Spirit our guests of honor throughout the holiday season, and if we’ve done so, there’s no problem in enjoying a great celebration on Christmas Day. And you’ll have the best chance of getting the best gift of all for your kids – memories of Jesus being the center of attention throughout a beautiful holiday season.
Ready for Another Mom Challenge?…
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More from my site
“Thankful Tree” Thanksgiving Game
Paper Cone Angel Christmas Craft
“Holiday Hints” – A Nativity & Christmas Story Game
Children’s Sunday School Lessons – Isaiah & “Wait “˜Til Your Father Gets Home!”
“Grab & Go!” – A Bible Game About Hard Work & Facing Challenges
Chips & Salsa & the Lesson Of Jesus and the Woman at the Well
It’s much easier to understand when you put it that way!
this is a great article. I am so thankful that we already do everyone of these things every year. Merry Christmas.
Love this:
“No one puts on a better party than God!”
Will be sharing this with others- especially my daughter. Gracias for such great suggestions, saving this for gentle reminders during 2015. BB2U
These are fantastic ideas — some of them we are already doing. Our sons are 11 and 13 and since they are way old enough to know that Santa is not real, we talked with him about how we’re dropping the Santa charade this year. I said that they are old enough now that they can understand what Christmas is really about. We have been trying to scale back on the excessive gift giving gradually over the last few years. They are involved with the church musical and Christmas concert, as well as some service projects that their youth group is doing. And so far I haven’t bought a single gift, except what I sent to my nieces and nephews that had to be shipped. I think it’s easier to get out of hand when you start your shopping so soon that you forget how much stuff you bought until you see it all opened up on Christmas morning!
But my favorite idea that you’ve suggested is deciding to play only sacred Christmas music rather than the secular songs flooding the airwaves. I love me some Bing Crosby White Christmas as much as the next person, but I am so offended by songs like Santa Baby etc. So I think I will stick with choral recordings of hymns and carols instead.
Such lovely suggestions and a wonderful call to action to instill the reason for the season in our children.
We do a lot of things to celebrate Christ’s birth – and it’s interesting to read your mini challenges.
Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely weekend.
Thanks for linking up at #SoMe2 this week!
Great reminders!! We love putting the Creche out first as well….and through the years many little hands have handled those figurines and played ~ what a wonderful memory to keep!!
Such great ideas, I especially love the first one: set up a manger scene. We always did that as a kid and some of my favorite memories of Christmas time are sitting looking at mom’s nativity. She has a gorgeous lenox version and every Christmas Daddy would give her a new piece. It was such a fun tradition… hopefully I’ll be able to carry on the tradition with a cute nativity in my own home.
There are so many teaching opportunities at Christmas time. We love acting out the Nativity and always include some type of charity giving. No matter if you have little money there is always something you can do for someone else! Thanks for sharing with SYC.
hugs,
Jann
all great ideas and suggestions! We used to set up a nativity scene and have fallen out of that habit, something we need to get back into! We all do seem to fall into that habit of gimme gimme gimme, appreciate the reminder and will pass on that during this season at least it should be more sharing of the love and spirit of the season!
My husband has brought to our family the tradition of setting up a nativity scene for Christmas. I never did that as a kid but I love the atmosphere and meaning it brings to our house.
Thanks for sharing this. These are some wonderful ideas. My kids are getting older now, but we did start a few of these challenges when they were little. I wish we had done more, but there’s always room for improvement. So thanks for these and all the wonderful comment ideas.
I wanted to let you know that your challenge was featured on Dare to Share Saturday today at http://www.kandykreations.net/2014/11/5-great-christmas-ideas.html. I hope you’ll stop by today and share more wonderful ideas. I can’t wait to see!
What a great list of challenges!! Thank you for sharing at Sharing Saturday!!
I love this! I’m featuring your post on the next Masterpiece Monday. Thank you for sharing this. Have a blessed week, Mary
Thanks for being a fabulous resource for parents as we train our children to love and honor the Lord! I appreciate you sharing this with the Saturday Soiree Blog Party!
These are all very good ideas for the Christmas time.
This was great! My oldest turns three soon, so we’re at the point of needing to be clear on what Christmas really is. We’ve been going over the story of Christmas with magnets on our fridge, and soon we’ll get out her Little People nativity scene. We buy all their gifts at garage sales. They don’t need new stuff!
What great ideas! These are all things that we’ve been practicing for a few years.
These tips are really great. I am bookmarking for the season to come. Thanks for sharing.
Great tips. As children, we always made a birthday cake for Jesus to add to our desserts on Christmas Day. As we got older, my mother starting showing us the Alistar Sims version of Scrooge. She compared Scrooges’s transformation to how Christ changes our hearts. It’s a tradition I intend to keep when my son gets older. Thanks for sharing.
Great tips! My favorites are: teach your children that asking is not necessarily getting, and participate in some charity together. Many blessings!
Great article. I also think it’s huge to have church be a priority. We go to 2 services on Christmas eve and make it a priority to go Christmas morning as well, before presents are opened. If you as parents set the example of church dominating the activity schedule of the day, kids get the message too!
Great ideas!we incorporate the story of Jesus into our Christmas activities & “Santa” only brings three gifts because that is what was brought to baby JESUS!He is the reason for the season!
I love this idea!
We’ve decided to open our immediate family’s gifts on St. Nicholas day, so that we still have the joy of giving (and can talk about the real St. Nick and what he did) but opening gifts isn’t the climax of the Christmas season. It’s nice to have the rest of Advent to concentrate on Christ, instead of the increasingly mad rush to “finish Christmas.” Our kids are all toddlers, so they don’t know the difference. This was our second year to try it out, and I do think it’s going to stick for us!
I think these are really good ideas. One thing that we did when my daughter was 3 years old was to use an advent calender. We opened a door every night and ready the story, by the first week she had that memorized. She still remembers some of that and she’s 26 years old now! She climbed up on Grandma’s lap and started “reading” the story to her, let me tell you, that made a big impression on Grandma! I hope everyone has a Blessed Christmas this year!
I enjoyed your article. I do not yet have kids but I can tell you my experience as a kid. My parents always incorporated the biblical theme. We were poor so the decorations were not much; so it was more of playing the stories of the bible. Also one big thing during the Holiday is that my parents did not tell us Santa is real and living today. A mater a fact they told us the truth from day one when ever the topic came up about who Santa was and what he did when he WAS alive. They also told us how adults like to play pretend with their kids acting out the fantasy as if he’s still alive and some times the kids want to believe that he is so we let them be. This did not destroy our childhood like some people think. I did not feel as if I missed out on anything. My sister and I still pretended with Santa by going to sit on his lap telling him what we wanted even though we knew he was just for pretend (not real). We still got those jittery feelings the night before and great feelings the day of Christmas knowing the generosity of our parents. Knowing who actually gave the presents, as well gave our own presents was one great learning tool about love, generosity, giving, and thankfulness.
I enjoyed all of your challenges and was surprised to realize that our family has done all of these and more, all along. Our nativity tradition is slightly different. Each child has been given their own nativity. The littlest one has a Fisher Price one. At the age of ten, they receive a larger, more delicate one. They clear a special area in their rooms and it is the first decoration they put up from the holiday. They “save” the baby Jesus to place in the manger on Christmas eve. Thus, the anticipation of the holiday leads to the clack of Jesus’ birth. We read the story of Jesus’ birth, then place him in the manger that night right before church. They are constantly checking on that baby Jesus until the time comes! We also have the tradition of only allowing the children to request no more than three gifts at the holidays. After all, Jesus only received three gifts from the wise men. We started this as babies, so there was no difficulty with it. It doesn’t mean they only get three gifts, only that they request three. This year, of their own volition, the two teenagers only asked for one each. We have also always explained that gift giving, including the idea of Santa, is a way to show our love for Jesus. We give gifts to each other, and, in turn, are giving a gift to Jesus. Likewise, as we put up the Christmas lights, we talk about Jesus being the “light of the world” and that each time we see lights it is a reminder of this (regardless of whether the light hanger thought of it or not, we CHOOSE to allow the lights to remind us of Him). In fact, Jesus is everywhere in this season, if you only allow yourself to see it, celebrate it and talk organically about it as you move through the holidays. Most importantly is taking the time to have your children help others, everything from visiting and caroling for shut ins and nursing homes to children at our women’s shelter who need coats or the SPCA that needs food donations. There is so much need. When the children help meet that need, they learn the real joy of giving.
Oh… I LOVE the thought of putting a manger out first! Our tradition so far has been to put the first manger scene under our christmas tree, front and center, to remember that Jesus is the first gift. But, getting out my box of mangers to set up first seems like a better idea. Such a great list! I have found a few other traditions that I have incorporated into our Christmas. The first one was an interactive Nativity that told the story of Christs birth called “What God wants for Christmas”, the second one was to limit our childrens gifts to 3, since that is all Jesus got. And I relate them to what he got, Frankincense is something that can be enjoyed as a family: a game, movie, concert tickets, etc. Myrrh is the practical gift: Clothes usually. And the Gold is the big gift that they want more than anything. God loves to please his children, and we should enjoy gifting to ours as well. As far as santa goes, I LOVE the story of St. Nicholas. I love that it is true, and also, all about a mans love for God. From a very young age I explained the truth of Santa to my children. This has led to some confusion and interesting moments for my children, such as my daughter telling her 2nd grade class that santa is real but he’s dead… :/ I love the traditions my family has found so far, and I believe I will be adding more from this article. Thanks so much for writing it! I’m always looking towards finding ways to make Christmas more meaningful!
I think this challenge is great! I do want to stand up for Santa a little bit though. Sinter Klause, the original gift-giver, and individual who Father Christmas/Santa is based off of, was a Christian and leader of his congregation. He delivered presents to children in celebration of Christ’s birth in order to remember the great gifts that Christ has given to all.
In our house we emulate Santa by giving gifts to others so that we can all remember the love of our Savior and the gifts he has given to us, especially the Atonement. Rather than trying to “out shine” Santa, we look forward to seeing him each year as if he’s just another friend who loves Jesus like we do.
My kids are still small, so I can’t testify to how their attitudes may change when they have real peer comparisons, but so far we are all able to keep Christ in the center of our celebrations and Santa toward the fringe.
Merry Christmas!
I have to tell you that I was very interested in this post; however, I had to stop while reading the What Can We Do Section. As a parent whose child recently suffered a life-threatening seizure, I was disappointed by you saying, “are there realistic ways to tone down our downing that won’t give our children seizures.” There has to be a better way to make your point. I hope you will consider rewriting this section, as I know this will be a very popular Pintrest post. Thank you.
This is GREAT. I love this list, and I will be coming back to read it often. Thank you so very much. It is much appreciated.
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Kathy Mattes has a remarkable Christmas album. “Good NEWS” great Christian songs but not ones that you have heard a million times